The Mediums of Masculinity

February 11, 2009 at 8:21 PM (Uncategorized)


“Phrases to Get Her into Bed Tonight

By: Nicole Beland

These simple linguistic cues tell her you’re the right man for this evening.
Whether you blabbed a good friend’s secret or ran over the neighbor’s limited-edition bike, admit it. Confessing an error in judgment leaves you exposed and vulnerable, which makes a woman want to wrap you in her arms. Telling her about it wins her over even more—you’re showing that you value her opinion. The resulting combo of compassion and confidence will inspire her to make everything all better—or at least distract you.

1. “I screwed up, and want to hear your thoughts.”

2. “Did you know you have a heart-shaped freckle on the back of your left thigh?”
After the first few months of sex, inch-by-inch body exploration yields to cut-to-the-chase carnality. That’s a shame, because having her body mapped puts a woman in the mood for luxurious sex. Pull aside the blankets on a weekend morning and run your eyes and fingertips from her toes to her earlobes, making admiring comments along the way. You won’t get past her elbows before she pulls you in for a deep, wet kiss.

3. “I’m organizing a team of volunteers for Summit for Someone.”
Whether it’s climbing mountains with inner-city kids or carrying the neighbor’s groceries, helping others boosts your sexy factor for two reasons. First, altruism shows her that you can put your own needs aside, which inspires her to take care of them for you. Second, your good deeds make her feel as if she’s dating up, because clearly you’re a better person than she is. She’ll want to join forces with you on your life’s quest.

4. “You must be exhausted. Let’s take a hot shower and I’ll scrub your back.”
The number-one reason your partner turns down sex is because she’s stressed. And while she knows there’s no better cure for wound-up nerves than a spring-release orgasm, it can be hard to shake off the day’s distractions. By blasting the hot water and lighting candles, you’ll offer a tension-melting solution she can’t refuse. Once the hot water and your soapy hands chase the stress away, she’ll finally feel sexy again.

5. “I want to accomplish a few key things in the next 5 years.”
When a woman hears a man talk about the future with a “whatever” attitude, her level of respect for him drops and her thighs snap shut. She was surrounded by way too many of those directionless dudes back in college, and she has learned that men who have clear goals and realistic plans for achieving them are rare. She’ll appreciate your farsightedness all the more. Making up your mind settles hers, as well.

6. “I’m taking the day off tomorrow to chaperone my niece’s field trip.”
While a woman is impressed by a man who’s driven to succeed, she’s even more tantalized by a striver who’s willing to put a family member first—extra points if that family member is under 12. She’ll instantly flash-forward to when you’re the sweet, caring father of her children, at which point her heart will go all gooey. Come back from your kiddie outing with a cute stuffed animal for her and she’ll practically drag you into bed.” [Men’s Health Magazine online:]


How is gender defined? What tells us how to act in only two gendered groups; male and female, both social constructs.  Berkowitz, the author of Consuming Eroticism, explains the concept of “doing gender” as where men and women are both told by mass media how to act as a gender, and then he or she performs that gender where socially acceptable. Many of my blogs have focused on women and how they are objectified, this blog’s primary focus is men and how men are told to be masculine. How do the above advertisements, along with millions of others, tell men how to be men, or at least perform as men?

                In the documentary, “Wrestling with Manhood” the WWE is examined as to how it affects men’s views on women, sexuality, dominance, and violence. The film asks an important question, “What are the effects from the WWE on boys and men in the real world?”  The trash talking in the WWE is seen and heard on the playground, so is the bully and the bullied. Homoeroticism is clear in the WWE as lesbians and gay men are insulted to by wrestlers/actors to police boundaries. Even the gay characters in the WWE are hated amongst fans who yell hate words from the crowd. But the head in the crotch and assumed sexual positions between the heterosexual wrestlers are deemed OK because of the insults that police the boundaries amongst the open homosexuals.  In the clip attached, the owner of the WWE, Vince McMahon makes actress/wrestler Trish Stratus strip down to her underwear and crawl around the rink barking like a dog. The scenario was that Stratus has somehow offended the company and McMahon was punishing her. Often in the WWE women are beat up by their boyfriends or husbands in the ring and the men justify it by saying “she had it coming” or “she deserved it for being a slut.” The second quote is often heard amongst men that commit rape when they try to justify their actions. This only further normalizes gender violence and tells men that belittle and punishing women makes them more masculine.

                Then we have the article from Men’s Health Magazine online, declaring “These Six moves will make any woman sleep with you right away.” Often sex advice columns in men’s magazines are teaching men how to hunt and gather sex as soon as possible, as much as possible. Many sex advice columns for men tell them, “Hey if you do just do these six things, you can get any woman you want.” There is no emotional advice about how to handle a break up, or rejection. Many “real” men feel very anxious about sex to begin with and often rejection only hurts them and furthers that anxiety. Because the media is telling them to have sex with a high number of women, but they are getting rejected in real life, their anxieties rise, thus hurting their sexual health.  Fraternity college brothers face initiations where they are forced to count how many female co-eds they have slept with, and the top winners are inducted into the fraternity. This notion of sex for recreation for numbers (not for sexual exploration, just numbers) can often hurt future relationships both physically (STDs) or emotionally. Since men compare their sexual experiences with other men (women as trophies) it is always a competition. Everything from basketball to sex is measured in success by numbers for men, and that defines masculinity.  



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